she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
