Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
