There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
