Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
