I accidentally had phone sex last night
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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