Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
