I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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