he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
