Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
