3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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