She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
