Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
