I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
