I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
