I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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