You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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