He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Its about making memories worth repressing
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
