you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
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