what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
