She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
