I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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