I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
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I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
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Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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