I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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