I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
