Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
