Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
