the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
