Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
