update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
