using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
