I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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