hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
barbara walters just said penis...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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