apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
