lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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