it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
What a dumb baby whore.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I need to calm my uterus...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
