I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
