dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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