I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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