God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The beer is more important than you right now.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
