If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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