I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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