You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
