I could make wine with my vomit
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
