she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
