im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
