you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
