I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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