I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
