we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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