I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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