That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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