my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
They took my balls.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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