Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
