yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
