I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
