Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize