Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
