I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize