Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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