I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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