I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My vagina just clenched in fear
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
