I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
This baby is an asshole
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
