If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize