bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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