my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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