I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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