is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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