One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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